Clara's surgery

After the doctors saw the tumor, they wanted to get it out quickly, but they couldn't do the surgery here in Billings, they'd have to do the surgery in Denver, CO at the Children's hospital. When we saw the doctor again that night, they told us that they'd probably fly us out the next day.  So then it was just crazy planning after that on how we would get David to Denver.  David's sister Jackie, and Clara's Godmother, drove in that night so she could see Clara before we left, and Clara and her aunt Jackie have the same color of hair.  One of the nurses even thought Jackie was Clara's mom =).

The next morning, Thursday, Clara was baptized by Father John, the same priest who baptized me earlier in April.  It was such a beautiful sweet baptism.  The spirit and love that was in that room was tangible.  Both of her God parent's were there, and just a few family and friends, what an amazing thing to be a part of and witness.  Clara was truly sent by our Father in Heaven to us, and you could feel His presence in that room with us. 

Clara's baptism was the only calm and peace we had felt in what seemed like forever.  It seemed like weeks had gone by since she was born, but it was only two days.  David and I were exhausted in every sense of the word, and in every way possible.  The surgeon who would be performing Clara's surgery called and talked with me, telling me that getting her tumor out wasn't so urgent she needed to be flown out that day, but that we could wait over the weekend and drive down.  I was grateful for the time that we'd get to spend with Clara at home, for the couple of days we were able to. 

We didn't get to leave the hospital until Friday, because her temp was a little too high, and her blood sugar needed to be like 50 or something like that and it was 48!!  So that was ridiculous, but we finally got to go home.  Being home with Clara was bitter sweet, because we knew we had to leave soon.  While we were home she got to meet aunt's and uncle's and more cousins!! 
She had a pre-op appointment for Wednesday of next week and surgery scheduled for Thursday.  The days leading up to her surgery where full of emotion.  David and I would find ourselves just watching Clara sleep, and we would just cry and cry and cry.  There were so many tears, and they never did quite dried up.  We drove down to Denver in two days with David's mom, and meet my parents there.  It was good to see my mom and dad, and I just keep pretending that, that was the only reason we were in Denver, just to see them. 
Reality set in the next morning, and couldn't be avoided.  Clara had to have a x-ray study done to look at her bladder and kidney's to see if see had reflux in either one of them.  She had to get a catheter and have her bladder filled up.  It was awful.  That was the hardest we had ever seen Clara cry.  As they were doing it, they asked me to hold her hands above her head and try to hold a pacifier in.  I just stood there and cried with her.  David was ready to kill the x-ray tech. who was inserting the catheter.  The results of that showed that she has reflux into her left kindey, so she has to be on amoxicillian for a year now to avoid a bladder, or kidney infection.
We met with Dr. Bruney, our surgeon.  She showed us the MRI, and we saw Clara's tumor for the first time, and it was huge... it made my heart drop into my stomach, and I just cried, and didn't stop until that night.  Dr. Bruney then explained to us how the procedure would go.  She would first make an incision in Clara's back, and loosen the tumor there, and then turn her over and make an incision on her stomach hip to hip, and take the tumor out the front.

The yellow outlined is her Bladder, the Red is the sacrococcygeal teratoma, and the little node on the bottom was the bump we saw whe she was born.

 We checked Clara into the hospital that night.  The next morning the surgical residents and fellows keep coming by and bothering Clara, which was bothering me, because Clara had to stop eating at 6am so she could have her surgery on an empty stomach.  So when they'd come and wake her up, I could have killed them, because all they did was look at her bump, that is it.  They were all going to see it in a matter of minutes so couldn't they wait until then to take a look... noooo. they had to wake up a starving baby and leave, and David and I would be left trying to calm Clara down. 
It took forever for them to come and get Clara, and they didn't start her surgery until noon, so she went six hours without eating!  The anesthesiologist came and told us the drugs he'd be using to put Clara to sleep, and for pain management, which he could have fed us fake names of the drugs and I wouldn't have known the differance.  He also told us that there was a 90% chance that Clara would have to get a blood transfusion, because it was such a big surgery.  It seemed like our news got worse and worse.
But as David and I were waiting for them to take her back to surgery, I had such a calm feeling, I couldn't have cried if I wanted to.  The night before I was a wreck, but surgery day, I was at peace, almost, and I know it was because of all the thoughts and prayers that were going up on Clara's and our behalf.  I love and am so grateful for all the prayers offered at that time and for all of you who where praying and thinking of us, you made a huge differance there, and I am forever grateful, and I am grateful to my Father in Heaven who listened. 
We were updated every hour, and Clara came out of surgery at about 5pm.  Dr. Bruney came out and told us she did great, and that they only had to do the one incision in her back, and they were able to get the entire tumor out!  I thank God for the miracle He helped Dr. Bruney with, because it was nothing short of that.  Then the anesthesiologist told us she did great, and she didn't need a blood transfusion!  They also told us she was on a venilator to help her breathe, because she is so young and the heavy dosing of the narcotics.  They also said they gave her a paralytic, so she was paralized until it wore off.


This is Clara the morning after her surgery.



David, Dean and I went to the NICU right after we talked with them.  I hate even now thinking of how she looked.  David and Dean both walked up to her.  Dean said she looks great, considering everything she just went through and how it could have been worse.  David looked then walked away, but I couldn't bring myself to go over to her for a couple of minutes.  When I did my heart stopped.... The nurses were cleaning off the steralizer they used during surgery, and Clara's body was so limp, she had IV's in her head, arm, and one right by her clavical, and tubes coming out of her throat.  You could see the venilator manually breathing for her.  David could see how upset I was and wrapped me in is arms, as I barried my head in his chest, and just cried for Clara.  Seeing her little body there so motionless, I could barley handle it.

A parent's worst nightmare

       David and I were on the highest high, when Clara was born.  I was able to hold her skin to skin the first hour and a half of her life.  As I was holding her we just gazed into eachothers eyes, never happier or more content to look at anything else, I could have, and still can, stare at her forever.  Eventually we had to get her cleaned off and wrapped in a blanket, so the nurse took Clara and started cleaning my little angel off, and inspecting her making sure everything was in tip top shape, and then the nurse and David both noticed a little bump on her bottom.  It right where her butt crack was, or would be.  The bump raised up her butt crack so she didn't really have one.  You could see the concern on the nurse's face, but she acted as though she wasn't worried or concerned.  She just said we'd have the doctor in to take a look at it.  Clara was perfect other wise.  It didn't bother her when they pushed, poked, and lightly pinched her little bump. 
       Mary Ellen, Grandma Mary Kay and uncle Tom all came in right before she got wrapped up.  Grandma Mary Kay is a RN, and has been for 30 plus years.  I asked her to take a look at Clara's mystery bump to see if she had any insite on it.  It worried her, but she didn't tell us that until later.  Once Clara was all wrapped up we all took turns holding her.  Dean, Mary Ellen's husband and Clara's Godfather, came in with Hannah and Alyssa, their daughters.  They just quietly stared at Clara while their parents held her.  When Alyssa, the six year old, came in she look at me and said, Starr doesn't look any different to me, and came over to me and asked me how I got Clara out.  I keep telling her to ask her mom, and she just keep asking me to tell her... I never did, and neither did her mom.  Luckily for us, her 12 year old brother filled her in.... babies are pooped out!  ha ha ha ha!!
The doctor came in and looked at it and said that she would order an ultra sound so we could see what the bump might be.  I wasn't too worried, I had a feeling that everything was going to be alright.  The next day we had the ultrasound and it turned out to be inconclusive.  But it did show that her spine was great... because the bump was so low on her back and right at the end of her spine, some were worried that it could have been interfering with it, but that turned out just fine.  There concerns now where that maybe it was just a cyst or it was a piece of her gut.  While she was forming they explained how all of our guts are outside our body and then they all puzzle there way back into our bellies, and that this bump may be an extra piece of gut, or that when her guts where going in, one piece got stuck in the wrong spot, but we wouldn't know without an MRI.  After that explination I started to worry, because our family history is not in our favor when it comes to our intestines.  She got her MRI that night. 
I was amazed at how quickly tests, the MRI, and the ultrasound were done on Clara.  I didn't realize then how worried everyone was, like I know now.  They wanted to find out what was wrong with our little girl, and quickly.  The MRI was read that night, i'm pretty sure anyway this part gets kinda blurry to me.  One of the higher up pediatrictians came in and told us there was a 9X4cm mass in Clara's pelvis, the dotor said she thought it was a teratoma tumor, but we wouldn't know for sure until it was taken out, and the pathology came back.  Then she said that Clara had to have surgery, if she wouldn't have said that  I wouldn't have put it together, I was in such shock.  I heard what the doctor said but I couldn't believe it. Clara was perfect, she was healthy and wasn't suppose to have anything wrong with her, just like all the babies that were being born by my friends and family.  It seemed like there was a baby born everyday in May and all of them where fine and healthy, and that is how Clara was supposed to be!  She shouldn't have this HUGE mass inside of her!  She is way to little! And it's not fair!!!!!!

Clara Lois Allen

Pregnant to Parents...
       I went into labor with Clara at about eight o'clock tuesday morning on the 15th of May, which happens to be my grandma Lois' birthday who Clara is named after.  I had not been able to sleep well my last month of my pregnancy, and so I was up at four in the morning in the shower trying to find some way to relax my body so I could sleep.  Unfortunately the shower didn't work, and I was awake until six, and David would be getting up 20 minutes later to get ready and go to work.  David would ask me every day before he left if he thought I was going to have the baby, I would always tell him, "I don't know, if I knew I wouldn't be so miserable!"  But ironically, that morning, I felt different, and told him that there was a 50/50 chance that I'd have the baby today. 
       I got a twenty minute nap after he left, and that is about when the contractions started.  I was bound and determinded to have our baby without an epidural, and all the books and people say, you should wait as long as you can before you go into the hospital, and keep yourself busy.   So I got up, got dressed, pulled my hair back, and took our dog, Harley, for a walk, (and just food for thought for other pregnant women who want to stay busy while they are in labor, don't take your dog for a walk, if your dog is annoying to walk.)  Harley is the most annoying dog to talk take for walks, and when a contraction hit, which they were coming about every four minutes, I could have killed her and rolled over and died!  On my walk I called David and told him he needed to come home now!!  David couldn't leave right away because two of the sports teams were gone for the day and all of there subs were already being utilized in the other classrooms, for the teachers that were gone on the sports trip.  David then called his cousin, who is also my God mother, and she came to me so I wouldn't be in labor alone. 
       Mary Ellen met me at my house and would time my contractions, they were speratic but coming every 3 to 5 minutes.  We called my midwifes, and they confirmed I was in labor and said I could go into the hospital now or wait a little, it was about 9:30, and I decided to wait, I still needed to shower, fix my hair, and put on my make up, so I could look good when I had this baby.  Also at this time, tons of people, my sisters and sister in law were calling to check in, I still hadn't gotten a hold of my parents, but they would find out soon enough.  I didn't want to talk to anyone so Mary Ellen took over answering the phones, while I was going to shower.  I never made it to the shower, I started feeling a lot of pressure, and that freaked me out! After talking it over with Mary Ellen we decided it was time to go to the hospital, I guess she didn't want to chance delivering the baby, ha ha!! Mean while David is still at work, and it takes him 45 minutes to get back home!!  We got to the hospital and checked in around 11, and I was dialted to a five, so I was on my way.  I told them no epidural, and no IV, I wanted to have her natural, after monitoring the baby for 15 min, to see if she was handling the contractions, I was able to get into the jacuzzi tub and stayed there until 230. 
       David finally showed up at noon, and I was soooo glad to see him.  He was amazing during labor.  I thought he would lose it, but he was my rock.  He keep me strong, and helped my find strength when I was feeling weak.  When I got out the the jacuzzi tub they checked me again and said I was only dialted to a six, they said they could break my water and it would make me progress faster, but it would also intensify my contractions, it made me too nervous so I said I would wait.  David suggested we stand and walk around for a bit and let gravity play it's part, my contractions were getting stronger and stronger,  David and I would sway "dance" together, but I just wanted to get back into the jacuzzi tub, because I at least found some comfort in there, so at 330 I got back in.  My contractions were so strong, and David asked if I wanted them to break my water so we could at least be done more quickly.  I told him at four they can check me and if I hadn't progressed more than a cm, I wanted an epidural.  At that point I was so tired, and I just wanted a break. 

       At four they came in and check me, and I had dialated to a 9, and at that point I let them break my water.  They asked if I still wanted the epidural, and I said I made it this far, I mine as well go all the way.  I started feeling pressure and started pushing at four thirty.  I pushed and pushed and pushed for what seemed like forever!! and Finally after much anticipation, Miss Clara Lois Allen made her enterance into this world at 5:23 pm.  I will never forget the first moment I saw her.  Her eyes were wide open and she was looking right up at me, I look back at her with so much disbelief, but with an overwhelming love for this sweet little baby.  I looked up at David, and tears were streaming down in face.  That moment at 5:23pm, was the most perfect and happiest moment of our lives.  That moment changed our life, we went from pregnant to parents. 

8lbs, 19 1/2 inches