Clara's surgery

After the doctors saw the tumor, they wanted to get it out quickly, but they couldn't do the surgery here in Billings, they'd have to do the surgery in Denver, CO at the Children's hospital. When we saw the doctor again that night, they told us that they'd probably fly us out the next day.  So then it was just crazy planning after that on how we would get David to Denver.  David's sister Jackie, and Clara's Godmother, drove in that night so she could see Clara before we left, and Clara and her aunt Jackie have the same color of hair.  One of the nurses even thought Jackie was Clara's mom =).

The next morning, Thursday, Clara was baptized by Father John, the same priest who baptized me earlier in April.  It was such a beautiful sweet baptism.  The spirit and love that was in that room was tangible.  Both of her God parent's were there, and just a few family and friends, what an amazing thing to be a part of and witness.  Clara was truly sent by our Father in Heaven to us, and you could feel His presence in that room with us. 

Clara's baptism was the only calm and peace we had felt in what seemed like forever.  It seemed like weeks had gone by since she was born, but it was only two days.  David and I were exhausted in every sense of the word, and in every way possible.  The surgeon who would be performing Clara's surgery called and talked with me, telling me that getting her tumor out wasn't so urgent she needed to be flown out that day, but that we could wait over the weekend and drive down.  I was grateful for the time that we'd get to spend with Clara at home, for the couple of days we were able to. 

We didn't get to leave the hospital until Friday, because her temp was a little too high, and her blood sugar needed to be like 50 or something like that and it was 48!!  So that was ridiculous, but we finally got to go home.  Being home with Clara was bitter sweet, because we knew we had to leave soon.  While we were home she got to meet aunt's and uncle's and more cousins!! 
She had a pre-op appointment for Wednesday of next week and surgery scheduled for Thursday.  The days leading up to her surgery where full of emotion.  David and I would find ourselves just watching Clara sleep, and we would just cry and cry and cry.  There were so many tears, and they never did quite dried up.  We drove down to Denver in two days with David's mom, and meet my parents there.  It was good to see my mom and dad, and I just keep pretending that, that was the only reason we were in Denver, just to see them. 
Reality set in the next morning, and couldn't be avoided.  Clara had to have a x-ray study done to look at her bladder and kidney's to see if see had reflux in either one of them.  She had to get a catheter and have her bladder filled up.  It was awful.  That was the hardest we had ever seen Clara cry.  As they were doing it, they asked me to hold her hands above her head and try to hold a pacifier in.  I just stood there and cried with her.  David was ready to kill the x-ray tech. who was inserting the catheter.  The results of that showed that she has reflux into her left kindey, so she has to be on amoxicillian for a year now to avoid a bladder, or kidney infection.
We met with Dr. Bruney, our surgeon.  She showed us the MRI, and we saw Clara's tumor for the first time, and it was huge... it made my heart drop into my stomach, and I just cried, and didn't stop until that night.  Dr. Bruney then explained to us how the procedure would go.  She would first make an incision in Clara's back, and loosen the tumor there, and then turn her over and make an incision on her stomach hip to hip, and take the tumor out the front.

The yellow outlined is her Bladder, the Red is the sacrococcygeal teratoma, and the little node on the bottom was the bump we saw whe she was born.

 We checked Clara into the hospital that night.  The next morning the surgical residents and fellows keep coming by and bothering Clara, which was bothering me, because Clara had to stop eating at 6am so she could have her surgery on an empty stomach.  So when they'd come and wake her up, I could have killed them, because all they did was look at her bump, that is it.  They were all going to see it in a matter of minutes so couldn't they wait until then to take a look... noooo. they had to wake up a starving baby and leave, and David and I would be left trying to calm Clara down. 
It took forever for them to come and get Clara, and they didn't start her surgery until noon, so she went six hours without eating!  The anesthesiologist came and told us the drugs he'd be using to put Clara to sleep, and for pain management, which he could have fed us fake names of the drugs and I wouldn't have known the differance.  He also told us that there was a 90% chance that Clara would have to get a blood transfusion, because it was such a big surgery.  It seemed like our news got worse and worse.
But as David and I were waiting for them to take her back to surgery, I had such a calm feeling, I couldn't have cried if I wanted to.  The night before I was a wreck, but surgery day, I was at peace, almost, and I know it was because of all the thoughts and prayers that were going up on Clara's and our behalf.  I love and am so grateful for all the prayers offered at that time and for all of you who where praying and thinking of us, you made a huge differance there, and I am forever grateful, and I am grateful to my Father in Heaven who listened. 
We were updated every hour, and Clara came out of surgery at about 5pm.  Dr. Bruney came out and told us she did great, and that they only had to do the one incision in her back, and they were able to get the entire tumor out!  I thank God for the miracle He helped Dr. Bruney with, because it was nothing short of that.  Then the anesthesiologist told us she did great, and she didn't need a blood transfusion!  They also told us she was on a venilator to help her breathe, because she is so young and the heavy dosing of the narcotics.  They also said they gave her a paralytic, so she was paralized until it wore off.


This is Clara the morning after her surgery.



David, Dean and I went to the NICU right after we talked with them.  I hate even now thinking of how she looked.  David and Dean both walked up to her.  Dean said she looks great, considering everything she just went through and how it could have been worse.  David looked then walked away, but I couldn't bring myself to go over to her for a couple of minutes.  When I did my heart stopped.... The nurses were cleaning off the steralizer they used during surgery, and Clara's body was so limp, she had IV's in her head, arm, and one right by her clavical, and tubes coming out of her throat.  You could see the venilator manually breathing for her.  David could see how upset I was and wrapped me in is arms, as I barried my head in his chest, and just cried for Clara.  Seeing her little body there so motionless, I could barley handle it.